


Redeemed

by Donovanspen



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angry Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Hurt feelings, M/M, Misunderstandings, Upset Magnus Bane, Worried Alec Lightwood, talking it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22310314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: Alec has a few words for the team members that left him behind, and then realizes that he needs to have a different type of conversation with Magnus.Follow up to "Forsaken."
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 219





	Redeemed

Alec knew he should calm down, but he wasn’t in the mood to be charitable. During his walk back to the Institute, he had tried to think of a rational reason as to why his team had left him, but he just couldn’t. They weren’t new trainees. They had transferred in from another Institute, and Alec had taken them out so they could get a feel for working together. All of them should have been used to working with an archer who covered them. And if that position got overran, like his did, they should have followed protocol, which was not to just up and leave. No, Alec wasn’t feeling generous. He hadn’t been this angry in a long time. Once Jace had indicated where they were, Alec had a singular focus, and that was finding his so-called ‘team’.

He could hear them talking amongst themselves, but he didn’t care to even try to pay attention to their conversation. He rounded the corner and stepped into the room and felt a surge of satisfaction as they all stopped talking to stare at him.

“Tell me, what part of Shadowhunter training covers leaving a man behind?” he asked.

“We looked for you. You were nowhere to be seen, Sir, and you were no longer providing cover,” Bluestone said.

“And what part of your training covers walking away from a mission and allowing demons to run loose?”

Apparently, Bluestone was the self-appointed spokesman for the trio. He squared his shoulders and took a step forward. “We assessed the situation and determined the threat was too big to contain. We returned for reinforcements.”

“Reinforcements?” Alec chuckled. “Well, your assessment was wrong, obviously. I’m very much alive, and single-handedly took care of the demons that you considered were too big a threat for the three of you to handle.”

“In the absence of a team leader, I made a judgment call. I followed protocol.”

Alec was done. He took a step forward but stopped himself, not wanting to be accused of threatening anyone. “In what reality is what you did considered protocol? The three of you are a disgrace to your runes. That is not how we operate at the New York Institute.”

“Yeah, we’ve heard about how things are done here.” Bluestone crossed his arms over his chest and stared Alec down. “Our records stand for themselves.

Alec could almost feel the rage bubbling over inside of him. Jace must have felt it as well as his parabatai had come into the room to stand beside him. Alec could feel Jace trying to project a measure of calm through their bond.

“I’m glad you have confidence in your record,” Alec told him. “You will need it when you stand charges. You will be transported to the Clave immediately. Get your gear.” He looked over towards Jace and nodded, knowing that his parabatai would know what to do.

“You don’t have the right,” Bluestone sneered.

“I have every authority,” Alec shouted as he lost the fight to hold onto his temper. “And you had better be grateful that I am sending you to the Clave instead of the City of Bones to be deruned, which I also have every authority to do. Go defend your actions, but don’t believe for a second that I am naïve enough to not know your true motives. You are not welcome in the New York Institute, and anyone who thinks like you, is not welcome.” He felt Jace’s hand on his arm, and he took a breath.

Anger contorted Bluestone’s face, but Hightower and Lakewood were beginning to look a little pale. Good, thought Alec. That part of him that was still enraged was hoping that Bluestone would make a move against him. Alec didn’t even feel as if he needed a reason, but he would wait for the other man to make a move first.

Jace stepped in front of him. “You three will be escorted to your rooms to gather your stuff. Let’s go.”

Alec knew that Jace was trying to deescalate the situation, and even though he was still livid, he appreciated Jace always having his back. He turned and left the room without another glance towards his team of Shadowhunters.

He went to his room and took a shower and then headed to his office. He had just sat at his desk when Jace and Clary walked in.

“All done?” he asked.

“Yep,” Jace replied. “Sent off a fire message, and Clary opened the portal. All that’s left is the paperwork. Have fun.”

Alec huffed out a breath. “Thanks. I’ll gladly do hours of paperwork if it means they’re gone.”

“I hear ya. Hightower and Lakewood showed promise, if only they hadn’t followed Bluestone.”

Alec glared at him. “Those who blindly follow can be just as dangerous as the one who’s leading them astray.”

Jace held up his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, we can’t all be as courageous as you.”

Alec scoffed as he pulled a folder from his inbox. “I spent my teenage years trying to keep you from charging headfirst into trouble.”

“I helped refine your leadership skills. You’re welcome.”

“Hey, have you spoken to Magnus?” Clary asked, interrupting their banter.

“No. Is he still here? I didn’t see him back in ops, so I assumed he had an appointment or something. I was going to text him.”

Alec watched them exchange a glance and knew something was up. “What?” He wondered what could have possibly happened within the past thirty minutes. “Is he ok?”

“He’s fine, but he was really worried about you. I think he wanted to see for himself that you were ok,” Clary told him.

“He saw me come in. What?” he asked again when he saw Clary roll her eyes.

“Clary thinks he may have felt rejected when you didn’t speak to him,” Jace said.

“Magnus isn’t like that. He knows I was working.”

Jace shrugged. “I’m with you.”

“And I wasn’t ignoring him. I was pissed,” Alec continued. “If he was really upset, he would have waited around to talk to me.”

“Maybe,” Clary offered. “But if you were the only Shadowhunter with a group of Warlocks, wouldn’t you feel a little hurt if he didn’t even look at you?”

Alec thought back to the council meeting they had had when Magnus had aligned himself with the Seelie Queen. Despite being broken up at the time, it had hurt for Magnus to be so distant with him. “But Magnus knows I wouldn’t intentionally ignore him.”

“He does, but when you go through a scare like that, sometimes a little reassurance is nice.”

“Why don’t you head home?” Jace suggested. “I’ll take care of getting the reports prepped so you can just review and sign off on them tomorrow.”

Alec nodded. It was getting late, and he certainly hadn’t had the best day. Spending the evening with Magnus was just what he needed.

Alec kept replaying Jace’s words in his head. By the time he got to the loft, it was all he could think about. He was eager to see Magnus and put all the doubts away. He used his key and stepped inside to be greeted with a delicious smell.

“Hey!” he called out, knowing Magnus would have felt his arrival. “Smells good in here.”

“Perfect timing.” Magnus came out of the kitchen and pressed a quick kiss to Alec’s lips. “Go wash up, and I’ll set the table.”

Alec frowned as Magnus turned and headed back into the kitchen. He’d been looking forward to seeing his boyfriend all afternoon, and the quick peck almost felt like a dismissal. Damn Jace for getting into his head.

He did as asked and when he returned, Magnus already had their plates on the table. Alec leaned over and pressed a kiss to Magnus’s cheek before taking his seat.

“This looks wonderful. Thank you.”

“I thought we could do for a nice dinner.” Magnus smiled before launching into an anecdote about Warlock supplies.

Alec was beginning to relax and believed all was well until Magnus wrapped up his story with a trip announcement.

“I’m sorry, what?” Alec asked.

Magnus shrugged. “It’s been a while since I’ve been on a buying trip, and since I’m no longer the High Warlock, there’s no reason I can’t go now.”

Alec set his fork down. His earlier concerns were back, and a queasy feeling had settled in his stomach. “How long would you be gone?”

“A week or two,” he replied with a quick glance at Alec as he kept eating.

In that moment, Alec knew that Jace had been right. He and Magnus had gone on shopping dates together, and Magnus had always picked up a few supplies along the way. It didn’t seem to matter how hard he tried; he always fell short in some way. “Ok. When are you planning to leave?”

Magnus watched him for a second before replying. “Tomorrow morning.”

Alec nodded. He wanted to ask him to stay, but he didn’t feel as if he had the right. But he didn’t want Magnus going away and thinking Alec didn’t want him around. “You know what happened at the Institute today?”

“Yes,” Magnus replied with a bit of hesitation.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel excluded.” Magnus started to shake his head, but Alec kept going. “You have a right to be upset, but I promise it’s not what you think.”

Magnus sighed and leaned back in his chair, no longer attempting to finish his meal either. “Alexander, I understand, and I’m not leaving because I’m mad.”

“But your feelings were hurt today?” Alec pressed.

“I admit that I was worried about you, and after leaving the Institute, I realized that it wasn’t good for either of us if I was just hanging around and worrying all the time. I need to be productive. I need a purpose.”

Alec could understand that, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it. “Clary felt that I had hurt your feelings by not acknowledging you when I got back.” He watched Magnus, and he saw it. That little bit of stiffening in his shoulders and the slight hesitation before he smiled at Alec.

“Biscuit is sweet but…”

“She was right,” Alec cut in before Magnus could try to convince him otherwise. “I didn’t think about it that way until Jace brought it up. And they were right. I knew you were there, and I didn’t even so much as give you a glance. And I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“You deserve an explanation. It doesn’t change what I did, but I want you to know. When something happens, I tend to shut down. I know I’m being watched and judged. And not because I’m dating a guy, or because you’re a Warlock. It’s me. I’ve heard my entire life that I’m not good enough.”

“Alexander.”

“No, it’s ok. I’m used to it, and I know what it means. You think I don’t want to be seen like that with you, that I don’t want to come to you for comfort. Magnus, that’s all I want, but I know I can’t have it, not there and not still be able to make the changes we need to make. So I do what I always do, push those feelings down and keep moving forward. I never meant to hurt you,” Alec apologized.

Magnus reached across the table and took Alec’s hand. “You are more than enough, Alexander, and I’m sorry you haven’t heard that as much as you should.”

This wasn’t about him. He didn’t want Magnus to make him feel better. “Not if you’re hurt because of something I did. I don’t want to be that person.” They had already gone through one breakup because of Alec’s mistakes. That wasn’t the person he wanted to be to Magnus.

“I can see we’re not going to agree here, so I’ll admit that I was hurt. I felt lost and rejected. Our relationship isn’t new, but I have some insecurities of my own. My comfort level within the Institute relies heavily on you as I’m only there for you. If you’re in the perfectly understandable position of not being able to personally interact, then I would rather be elsewhere. However, I would like it if you reached out to me in some way, in whatever way is comfortable for you.”

Alec squeezed his hand. “I can do that,” he replied. The thought of Magnus pulling away from him made his voice a little rough, and he could feel that slight burn in his eyes. He refused to give in to it, though. “Will you call me while you’re away?”

“How about I do some of the buying while you’re at work, and maybe we can do some together on your day off?” Magnus suggested.

Alec tugged on Magnus’s hand until his boyfriend was up and out of his chair. Alec wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled Magnus down onto his lap and wrapped him in a hug. “I’d like that very much.”


End file.
